Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
