You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
