After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
