just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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