For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
