Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
