I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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