Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
