i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
