I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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