I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
