i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
