he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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