I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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