She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
