Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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