True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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