I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize