I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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