we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
