very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
