I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
