She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
