i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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