Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
