If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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