Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
