i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
