Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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