Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
should my penis look like a turkey
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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