My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
