I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
