then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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