Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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