The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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