So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
