Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
