my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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