yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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