I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
