somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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