We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
