my vag is so smooth its legendary
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Rumble strips road head = magical
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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