apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
