If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
