I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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