i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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