It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
