So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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