I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
