She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
