sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
