Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
