I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
