He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
