So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
