I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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