He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize