her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
