I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
