can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
