# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
