haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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