Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
