K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
