How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
