i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
