dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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