What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
